It’s been over two weeks since I posted. My father died very recently and I am still trying to get over the shock. It’s too soon for my head to accept our loss but I can say, I am very very sad and unable to put my thoughts right. I tried to write something in this blog while on a brief stop over at the Charlotte, NC airport. As I read it now, it doesn’t make much sense.

One never admits that death is a major inconvenience for the living. One would be considered callous or unfeeling rather than practical or honest. My father died Monday, September 10th. I live on the West Coast, got the news around midnight. My previous post mentioned that we were moving as well so now we are moving and, I, sans husband, are going to the service in Cincinnati, OH.

The mind is a very smart machine as it remembers how to departmentalize horrors and happiness. At times those are the same feeling but still the mind can differentiate. I’m still a tad bit in shock and am not sure that what i’m writing is making any sense.

Folks seemed to shed their skin when faced with another death – a need to embrace and try to erase the loss. I’m told that I need to choose between something that keeps me happy vs. someone that keeps me happy. Of course the someone is more important worth a mountain more yet to be asked to limit one love for another; one in which infidelity is not an option, and the other keeps the other from the grave is a struggle. My eyes are sturggling to keep open.

I’m not sure what half of those paragraphs mean or meant. Maybe I should’ve kept it to myself? – a little late for that. Well, I promised myself that I would get back to my story this week. For now I’ll embrace my good memories of papa and do what millions seem to do everyday, live with it.

Advertisements